The Struggles of Being Beautiful and Inanimate.

"KNOCK KNOCK HELLO EMILY, IM SNEEVEN YROUR PORM DAYTE AND IM HERE," said Sneeven, who Emily’s father had engineered in his lab earlier that afternoon. #mannequindepressed
Rumor had it that Gunston had a shadowy past littered with crime and intrigue. The truth had more to do with a really bad haircut and a freak accident involving gorilla glue and a winter hat. #mannequindepressed
Every time she went clubbing, JanJanJan ended the evening by embarrassing her friends. Tonight, she’d stepped in molten gold at “The Hate Lounge,” gotten her arms ripped off by a go-go orangutan at “Perch” and lost her panties at “Arby’s.” #mannequindepressed
Yes, Farliche, Debeny, Partition and Gelf had missed The Pride Parade. “I told you we shouldn’t have stopped at Party City for 17 solid hours!” Gelf scolded. #mannequindepressed
Qui’lar had come to this planet to inseminate the meek geniuses of earth with her brood’s eggs. Still, no one was taking the bait. “I probably need a bigger bowtie…” she deliberated. #mannequindepressed
The sheer girth of Activia’s chunky bracelet had broken her wrist many times over. And yet, she still managed to integrate it into all her “come hither” flirtations, often causing men to stop in their tracks and say “Your wrist looks all effed up.” #mannequindepressed
Gourditte’s internal monologue got reeeeal dark the moment she realized this was actually not the worst date she’d been on this month. #mannequindepressed
Flyvest has two Mommys and that is absolutely fine. Neither of them speak English and that is also absolutely fine. One of Flyvest’s Mommy’s wears this shirt to the church thrift store and that is ABSOLUTELY NOT FINE. #mannequindepressed
It was Fleayonce’s “time of the month” if you know what I mean. (I mean the time of the month when Fleayonce turns into a cat-monster and terrorizes the countryside/SoHo) #mannequindepressed
The apocalypse had finally arrived and Gembriss sat gloating in his bunker til he realized two things: “Shoot! I forgot to pick up Jocelyn from soccer! SHOOT! MY SKIN LOOKS TERRIBLE IN THIS LIGHT!” #mannequindepressed

Copyright © 2013 Andrew Farmer

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