The Struggles of Being Beautiful and Inanimate.

Sheriff Pickadill weren’t takin no chances. Bandits stolen may have stolen his hair. But they weren’t NEVER gonna get to his collection of cool cowboy stuff he bought when the town Applesbees went outta business. #mannequindepressed
Snow White woke from her magic slumber, cold-cocked Prince Charming and moved to Chelsea where she got a really intense haircut and worked as a bouncer for a couple years. #mannequindepressed
"Oh cruel goddess of love, I adore him. But Will he ever notice me, beyond my gains?" thought Yamantha. "Grapes taste good to eat." thought Pawl. #mannequindepressed
Giongiornio was a real Mr. Las Vegas! His house had been seized by the state, he stole shrimp cocktail from buffets for breakfast and he was stalking a cast member of Cirque du Soleil. #mannequindepressed
Everyone thought Knitten was just depressed. However, The horrifying truth was that months ago, his head had inexplicably collapsed into his abdomen. Oh and I guess he was also depressed. But the two problems were surprisingly unrelated. #mannequindepressed
"Why did I ever think I could run a consignment shop in the big city?" moped Beelzebrittany. "I’m just a small town nobody birthed in flame on Walpurgisnacht whose mother was literally a jackal." #mannequindepressed
Whisper’s motto was “Any day can be a beach day if you’ve got electric tape, terrifying panties and a mental illness!” #mannequindepressed
It had cost Yawnline her hands but she was FREE. FREE do you HEAR ME? The first thing she did was eat at a nearby Quizno’s. In all honesty, she was a little underwhelmed. #mannequindepressed
Butter had worn the same suit and tie since Independence Day, 1991. When asked about it, he’d say “These COLLARS don’t run!” which made people laugh…for the first year. Eventually though, the laughter gave way to looks of concern. #mannequindepressed
Moribund’s new internship claimed to take place in a “casual, progressive workplace environment that runs on ideas.” He later discovered the ideas came from a mad Empress who apparently was on the payroll. #mannequindepressed

Copyright © 2013 Andrew Farmer

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